Thursday, November 4, 2010

Thank You Rant

 [via -- Artist: Pablo León-Asuero Moreno]

Richie and I work on our thank you cards a little bit every night. At first we planned to do 5 each day, but when we sit down and start writing, we end up doing much more. So tonight should be our last batch (for now, until the other party and more gifts start coming in).

So here's where the rant part comes in. Richie has been amazingly helpful with these thank you cards. He writes almost as many as I do, despite the fact that he's not thrilled with his penmanship and has to write very slowly to ensure the notes are legible. Last night, as I was putting away the stationery (yes, I put it away after each session), I was patting myself on the back for marrying an awesome guy that helps with the thank you cards while so many women do them all themselves!

Examples, from a forum on a certain wedding-planning website:

"Should my soon-to-be husband and I both sign the thank-you cards if I'm the one writing them? He works A LOT, so it's easier for me to take care of this (and my handwriting is better!). I just don't want to send thank-you cards without his signature if that's proper etiquette."

"Should you have the groom sign his own name to the thank-you cards?"

You'd be amazed at how many questions some women have to basic Thank You 101 posts. Maybe it's because my mom made me write thank you notes for every present I got when I was younger, but is it really that hard?

I digress. As I was thinking about how great Richie is, I got angry that guys are awarded points for being helpful when it comes to things like writing thank you cards. How silly would it sound if this was actually Richie's blog and he was gushing about how his wife really pulls her weight when it comes to wedding related tasks? And guess what? He cooks and cleans, too, and people are always very impressed with him. If we were out to dinner and he said, "Nina's so great. She cooks and cleans as much as I do!" our companions likely wouldn't be too impressed. But what if he did all the work? All the thank you cards, all the cooking, and all the cleaning? I'd be a "bad wife." If I did it all, people would say he's lazy, but "that's men, right?"

This rant doesn't discount the fact that I am extremely appreciative of everything Richie does. He really is great.

...he just shouldn't get any points for it.


  1. Actually, you both should get points for it equally.

    I feel like in society it is a lot harder for women to earn points for things (of course, this depends on your friend group). If women work hard out of the house, they are halfheartedly admired, but actually detracted points for not doing what they "should". And as for housework, women are expected to do that. Whereas men don't really get points taken away for anything other than philandering (which can gain them points in some circles.)

  2. So ... a while back (in August, I think) I wrote a post about my family's visit. My mom was sorely disappointed in my lack of wifely skills. Mostly, she was upset that I rarely clean the house (Tony does it), and he does all the cooking. She was upset enough with me that on the day she left, I came home from work to find a full meatloaf, two whole roasted chickens, and enough pasta and sauce for a week's dinners baking in the oven.

    I do stuff, but since the stuff I do is expected or not traditionally women's stuff, it doesn't count. And since I am relying on Tony to hold up a lot of the domestic stuff because he has more free time than I do, I'm a bad wife (yes, I know; we're not technically married yet, but also we really are since we live together and neither of us is ever going anywhere).

  3. Well said Nina. I whole heartedly agree, men should do half the work, it should be expected. As your Mom, I am thrilled he does his part. You picked a keeper, love bug! (As he did, also!)

  4. Heh. Here via APW. My man's the housekeeper. It works well. :)

  5. Very well articulated. I often try to explain exactly what you're talking about to other people....but not nearly as clearly as you've said it here!